Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Two Frozen Mochas, please

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
SEPTEMBER 14, 2010

I could buy a one way ticket and get the hell out here -- stop at every place I ever wanted to visit and pretend I am someone I am not.  Guess what?  I am not going to do that.  I have a point to prove.  I need to prove every hater, every doubter, every believer and every supporter I can do what I dreamed to do.  

You can call me every name in the book.  I know..

 I am selfish and greedy. I am a b!tch and every other name in the book.  I also, am the person who cares and loves, and forgives.  I am a dreamer and a doubter. I am happy-go-lucky and depressed.  I am funny and serious.  I am overrated and underrated.  I am a walking contradiction, but who says you aren't either.  Who says you are the one to judge? Or I am to judge you? 


Today, I woke up with tears in my eyes after multiple bad dreams full of hatred and anger and an overwhelming feeling of insecurities and homesickness. It took me about an hour or so plus a pep talk from my dearest friend to get me out of bed.  With all my might, I faced the day.  I made it a me day.  I am sure clients didn't approve, but who says I don't deserve it --just like you deserve one. 

After a lunch and coffee with mum, movies and a snuggle on the couch were in order.  After several hours of being lazy, it was time to find a new getaway park.  

Sorry, Memorial Park, I needed a change of scenery.  

I entered my new getaway.  Welcome to Silver Creek Park!  How amazing it was.  Temperature was 73 degrees, light breeze, sun getting ready to set, people all over in conversation, camera in hand, and waves littered the water.  PERFECT! 

As, I walked around the water taking pictures and trying to make people not feel awkward I got lost in the music that filled my eardrums.  Nothing hit me harder than when Everything by Winslow came on my ipod!  My day had become full circle.  It became a moment where I could live forever.  Every feeling of negativity went out the window.  It was magical -- a fairy tale ending. 

I guess taking the personal day was the perfect thing to do.  Got my quality time in with mum, and a talk with a dear friend, got my frozen mocha, snuggle time and a walk in the park.  Enough to put me to sleep with a smile on my face. 

I thank God for the moments like these.  Maybe you should too.  Try to experience the feeling I did today.  

Tune out the world and tune into what you really need.  You never know how much your heart craves to feel love from within.  


Learn to love yourself.  When you least expect it you will hit rock bottom and wonder who loves you and if you don't love yourself, who will.  It is a lesson I learned today.  I woke up hating and doubting myself, but by nightfall I learned I need to love, so I can feel love.  Take a minute to love somebody.  Hate is so easy, but maybe, so is love.  Try it. 


Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!

Oh and when I'm gone, I hope you mention my name,
I hope you care about the man,
After you Place the Blame,
Let our years turn to gold,
And never wither away and be forgotten,
I don't wanna be forgotten 

Leaving an Angel by Corey Smith

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Smile Rejected -- page 452

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
SEPTEMBER 13, 2010

A light on your car goes on, you look in the owner's manual.  An electronic goes bad, you look the problem up in the instruction manual.  It seems everything, even toys have manuals, but why doesn't life have an instruction manual.  Crazy!

When there is a problem why can't I just go to page 165 and find the answer.  Sometimes I just wish life was simpler.  Before you insert, you are strong you can make it through it or what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, please think about what you are saying.  

I get it people, I am strong, I have gone through a lot before the age of 23, but please let me be weak, don't make me be the strong one all the time.  It is not easy being strong all the time -- even if it means hiding tears.


Today, I was sitting in one of my favorite bookstores working away on projects for one of my favorite clients -- trying to get lost in a land of make believe.   I decided it was time for me to quit pretending and head home, when I glanced up at a gray haired, middle class man -- looked pretty typical, nothing interesting that is for sure.  I smiled at him and in return he gave me the stinker eye and shook his head.  

I didn't know that smile would lead to so much hurt inside of me.  As, I was packing up my belongings I hurried up to hide the tears that I had welding up in my eyes.  As, I ran down the escalator, I caught one last look at him, and thought don't let that door hit you in the ass on the way out, or don't trip you, a-hole. 

Not sure where all the anger came from, but for some reason the only smile I gave out that day was to someone who didn't appreciate the thoughtfulness behind a sincere and genuine smile.  

This is where I need an instruction manual.  Smile rejected -- page 452.  


Folks, take the time to return a smile if you mean it or not because you don't know the battle that the person is fighting on the other side.  Take a minute to worry about a friend and not yourself.  Say hi to someone you haven't talked to in awhile, or even surprise 'em with a visit.  Take time for yourself, but take time out for someone else.  


Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!


And no one said that life was easy
No one said that life was fair
But nobody said that love would fail
And every night I cry
I feel like I could die a thousand times
Before the sunrise

Everything by Winslow

Sunday, September 5, 2010

In Certain Company

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

If you don't believe in angels please don't take the time to criticize.  This isn't about if they exist or not.  This is a spine chilling story.  

On the perfect fall day, I was laying on the floor doing some follow ups and getting work done.  All three dogs were snoozing and mum was laying on the couch for a mid-afternoon nap.  Every thing seemed normal, nothing but peace and quiet ran through the house.  Silence is golden, as someone used to tell me as, I wouldn't shut up. 

Out of nowhere all three dogs, there was a fit of barking -- and the sound of a garage door opening was heard faintly in the background.  Not only was I freaked out because I was the only one up and awake, but I was scared of how someone got in.  

Mum shot up and looked at me with a dazed looked.  I was trying to tell her what happened, and she continued to look at me like I was a crack baby.  

I wanted to go see what was going on and if I really did hear what I heard.  Of course, I made her go first to see if the door was actually opened,  we managed to sneak to the door Scooby Doo style.  [please picture this] 

We made it to the garage, as we had Sophie [the wiener dog] as guard dog.   We opened the door to the garage, and I was in tornado position to kick the shins of the individual who opened our garage door.  

To our surprise, no one was there, but the door was open and the light was on - bizarre.  As, we closed the door, and shut the door to the house we were standing in the kitchen when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door -- the one that lead to the garage.  

As my heart pounded out of my chest, I snuck out of the house to peak in the windows, detective style.  No one was there.  

Who says there aren't angels.  People can get technical and say it was probably someone with the same signal, I say it was an angel.  I say it was a blessing.  I haven't seen the big picture, but hopefully I will see it someday soon.


It just seems a little to ironic when the night before my mom jumped at dinner and no one was there.  She goes someone just tapped me on the shoulder.  No one was there!  


Also, the other day, I was driving home, feeling of all sorts and the radio was playing The Black Crowes', She Talks to Angels.  And yes, maybe I do. Maybe these are all signs of something good, or of something bad.  You can decide.

Maybe you should try talking to them and see what they say.  It could never hurt.  It might even give you a little light at the end of your tunnel.

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty.


Click for the video
Says she talks to angels / They call her out by her name / Oh yeah, she talks to angels / Says they call her out by her name