Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Two Frozen Mochas, please

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
SEPTEMBER 14, 2010


I could buy a one way ticket and get the hell out here -- stop at every place I ever wanted to visit and pretend I am someone I am not.  Guess what?  I am not going to do that.  I have a point to prove.  I need to prove every hater, every doubter, every believer and every supporter I can do what I dreamed to do.  

You can call me every name in the book.  I know..

 I am selfish and greedy. I am a b!tch and every other name in the book.  I also, am the person who cares and loves, and forgives.  I am a dreamer and a doubter. I am happy-go-lucky and depressed.  I am funny and serious.  I am overrated and underrated.  I am a walking contradiction, but who says you aren't either.  Who says you are the one to judge? Or I am to judge you? 

---

Today, I woke up with tears in my eyes after multiple bad dreams full of hatred and anger and an overwhelming feeling of insecurities and homesickness. It took me about an hour or so plus a pep talk from my dearest friend to get me out of bed.  With all my might, I faced the day.  I made it a me day.  I am sure clients didn't approve, but who says I don't deserve it --just like you deserve one. 

After a lunch and coffee with mum, movies and a snuggle on the couch were in order.  After several hours of being lazy, it was time to find a new getaway park.  

Sorry, Memorial Park, I needed a change of scenery.  

I entered my new getaway.  Welcome to Silver Creek Park!  How amazing it was.  Temperature was 73 degrees, light breeze, sun getting ready to set, people all over in conversation, camera in hand, and waves littered the water.  PERFECT! 

As, I walked around the water taking pictures and trying to make people not feel awkward I got lost in the music that filled my eardrums.  Nothing hit me harder than when Everything by Winslow came on my ipod!  My day had become full circle.  It became a moment where I could live forever.  Every feeling of negativity went out the window.  It was magical -- a fairy tale ending. 

I guess taking the personal day was the perfect thing to do.  Got my quality time in with mum, and a talk with a dear friend, got my frozen mocha, snuggle time and a walk in the park.  Enough to put me to sleep with a smile on my face. 

I thank God for the moments like these.  Maybe you should too.  Try to experience the feeling I did today.  

Tune out the world and tune into what you really need.  You never know how much your heart craves to feel love from within.  

---

Learn to love yourself.  When you least expect it you will hit rock bottom and wonder who loves you and if you don't love yourself, who will.  It is a lesson I learned today.  I woke up hating and doubting myself, but by nightfall I learned I need to love, so I can feel love.  Take a minute to love somebody.  Hate is so easy, but maybe, so is love.  Try it. 

---

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley



Oh and when I'm gone, I hope you mention my name,
I hope you care about the man,
After you Place the Blame,
Let our years turn to gold,
And never wither away and be forgotten,
I don't wanna be forgotten 

Leaving an Angel by Corey Smith


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Smile Rejected -- page 452

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
SEPTEMBER 13, 2010


A light on your car goes on, you look in the owner's manual.  An electronic goes bad, you look the problem up in the instruction manual.  It seems everything, even toys have manuals, but why doesn't life have an instruction manual.  Crazy!

When there is a problem why can't I just go to page 165 and find the answer.  Sometimes I just wish life was simpler.  Before you insert, you are strong you can make it through it or what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, please think about what you are saying.  

I get it people, I am strong, I have gone through a lot before the age of 23, but please let me be weak, don't make me be the strong one all the time.  It is not easy being strong all the time -- even if it means hiding tears.

---

Today, I was sitting in one of my favorite bookstores working away on projects for one of my favorite clients -- trying to get lost in a land of make believe.   I decided it was time for me to quit pretending and head home, when I glanced up at a gray haired, middle class man -- looked pretty typical, nothing interesting that is for sure.  I smiled at him and in return he gave me the stinker eye and shook his head.  

I didn't know that smile would lead to so much hurt inside of me.  As, I was packing up my belongings I hurried up to hide the tears that I had welding up in my eyes.  As, I ran down the escalator, I caught one last look at him, and thought don't let that door hit you in the ass on the way out, or don't trip you, a-hole. 

Not sure where all the anger came from, but for some reason the only smile I gave out that day was to someone who didn't appreciate the thoughtfulness behind a sincere and genuine smile.  

This is where I need an instruction manual.  Smile rejected -- page 452.  

---

Folks, take the time to return a smile if you mean it or not because you don't know the battle that the person is fighting on the other side.  Take a minute to worry about a friend and not yourself.  Say hi to someone you haven't talked to in awhile, or even surprise 'em with a visit.  Take time for yourself, but take time out for someone else.  

---

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley

---

And no one said that life was easy
No one said that life was fair
But nobody said that love would fail
And every night I cry
I feel like I could die a thousand times
Before the sunrise

Everything by Winslow

Sunday, September 5, 2010

In Certain Company



P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
SEPTEMBER 4, 2010




If you don't believe in angels please don't take the time to criticize.  This isn't about if they exist or not.  This is a spine chilling story.  

On the perfect fall day, I was laying on the floor doing some follow ups and getting work done.  All three dogs were snoozing and mum was laying on the couch for a mid-afternoon nap.  Every thing seemed normal, nothing but peace and quiet ran through the house.  Silence is golden, as someone used to tell me as, I wouldn't shut up. 

Out of nowhere all three dogs, there was a fit of barking -- and the sound of a garage door opening was heard faintly in the background.  Not only was I freaked out because I was the only one up and awake, but I was scared of how someone got in.  

Mum shot up and looked at me with a dazed looked.  I was trying to tell her what happened, and she continued to look at me like I was a crack baby.  

I wanted to go see what was going on and if I really did hear what I heard.  Of course, I made her go first to see if the door was actually opened,  we managed to sneak to the door Scooby Doo style.  [please picture this] 

We made it to the garage, as we had Sophie [the wiener dog] as guard dog.   We opened the door to the garage, and I was in tornado position to kick the shins of the individual who opened our garage door.  

To our surprise, no one was there, but the door was open and the light was on - bizarre.  As, we closed the door, and shut the door to the house we were standing in the kitchen when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door -- the one that lead to the garage.  

As my heart pounded out of my chest, I snuck out of the house to peak in the windows, detective style.  No one was there.  

Who says there aren't angels.  People can get technical and say it was probably someone with the same signal, I say it was an angel.  I say it was a blessing.  I haven't seen the big picture, but hopefully I will see it someday soon.


---

It just seems a little to ironic when the night before my mom jumped at dinner and no one was there.  She goes someone just tapped me on the shoulder.  No one was there!  

---

Also, the other day, I was driving home, feeling of all sorts and the radio was playing The Black Crowes', She Talks to Angels.  And yes, maybe I do. Maybe these are all signs of something good, or of something bad.  You can decide.

Maybe you should try talking to them and see what they say.  It could never hurt.  It might even give you a little light at the end of your tunnel.

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty.
Lesley

---

Click for the video
Says she talks to angels / They call her out by her name / Oh yeah, she talks to angels / Says they call her out by her name 



Friday, August 27, 2010

Don't tell me if I'm dying


P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
AUGUST 26, 2010


There are days you bust your butt and feel productive, and days you lose your self along with your mind.  Then there are days like I had today.   The one where you fell off your rocker and wonder if you should get out of bed.  
Hiding under the sheets is way more comforting than an inbox full of emails, a stack of papers to ceiling and a circuit board of other problems. Is anyone in their right mind willing to give up their bed sheets for paper sheets?

As I wiggled out of bed, I threw myself in the shower and still was not motivated to handle the work load.  I started to chisel away at my work -- I went from bitter to irate.  At that very moment, it was time to unplug the computer and plug in the iPod.  

I said goodbye to work and said hello to Memorial Park.  

I cranked up my iPod went through the artist alphabetically and only listened to one song per artist.  I forgot there were songs on there that existed.  Some better than others and some that blew my mind -- every song was fitting in some way -- the way it sounded or the way the lyrics flowed.  

As I walked the same path five times to reach my two mile minimum -- I lost myself, I was someone else, I was a little girl with a huge imagination.  I was the five year old girl swinging on the swing waiting to go to ballet class in her pink tutu.  

Every time I walked under the aisle of trees, I wanted to be doing ballet and everyone hear the song that was on my iPod--it was perfectly fitting.  I wanted people to realize that they are beautiful in their own special way.  

---

As, I close this...

People say make believe is for children.  I say make believe is for those with an imagination.  

Be the dancer you always wanted to be, fly a refrigerator box airplane, build a fort and pretend it's a castle.  

Let me know what you decide to do!

---

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley


Don't tell me if I'm dying / Cause I don't wanna know / If I can't see the sun / Maybe I should go / Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming / Of angels on the moon / Where everyone you know / Never leaves too soon -- Angels on the Moon by Thriving Ivory




Monday, August 23, 2010

I hope you dance





P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y


AUGUST 23, 2010

I am siting here in a Barnes and Noble with my iPod turned up and table filled with design books, scrap paper, someone else's non-used napkin, my gum wrappers and my Blackberry.  The escalator to go down is broke; everyone keeps walking over to it and wondering how to get down.  I hear everyone coming up and try to picture what they have on and what they look like.  Maybe I watch people too much, but it's how I observe them.  Creepy, I know, but hey I know you do it too. 


After a night full of mixed feelings and feeling lost with life, this was the perfect escape.  Working on my resume, Mr. I know everything came up to me and gave me pointers.  I smiled and acted like I cared what he said.  He showed me his resume and I was nothing but under impressed.  It looked like everyone else's resume.  (pardon me, I am no design expert, but you are in a creative field.  Shouldn't it have a little bit of spice to it?  Just  a thought.)  

Maybe it wasn't where I thought it would end up with Mr. Cocky peeking over my shoulder, but when I lost all hope of escaping him out of nowhere, Little Birthday Boy showed up.  He had to be no older than 7 with 3 balloons [green, red, and orange] tied around his wrist.  He was with what seemed to be his mom and dad and they were here to by a birthday gift.  He ran to the kid's section for a book and came back with book in hand then discovered the Lego section right next to my table.  The book suddenly disappeared and his gift magically turned into a new Lego set.  

Amongst all the tedious work I was doing, Little Birthday Boy showed me how to smile.  I could hear a very faint conversation being had in a different language between him and his parental units.  I would of loved to know what was going on -- a conversation about the book or legos, what would be more influential to him.  I wanted to say let him get the Legos, but hey it could be from just staring at them for over 2 hours.  The Legos looked pretty cool, every dad and grandpa seemed to pick a box of them up.  I wanted to shout get them, but stayed silent.  

---

Many things have been going on in life, made me forget where I am, what emotions are, and who I am.  It isn't anyone's fault but my own.  It seems to be that I have been at the wrong place at the wrong time.  And after many incidents of that, I finally realized I need to pick myself up off the ground and get moving again.  

No one said life was easy that is for sure or told you, you would be happy always.  There are things that can make you lose who you are or only feel sadness, but there are things that can turn you around.  

How about walking into your favorite restaurant and them knowing what you order and how you like it?  How about someone buying you a shirt that you want, or giving you a hug and sending you a text saying you look cute as you are standing ten feet away?  

Happiness isn't always in others, it is finding it in yourself.  It is knowing you are beautiful-- inside and out, it is knowing that you are unique and normal, and you are accepted by someone, somewhere and accepting yourself for who you are! 

I am not saying this is easy to know, or to feel -- trust me when I say this, I am guilty of feeling unloved and unwanted.  I know what it is like to have bad luck, but I know what it is like to have good luck, to be loved and to be cherished.  I know what it is like to be adored, and to be hated.  I know what it is to lose it all and to gain things back little by little.  Trust me at the end of the day there is something to smile about.  If you lost something, know you once had it.  If you cry, know there is a smile around the corner, and know that if you are going through a rough patch there is easy sailing ashore.   

---

As I write this, I am listening to "I Hope You Dance" by Leanne Womack.  I discovered this song when I had lost a part of my life,  I played it and knew that it was meant for me.  And I hope you take a listen to it.  Hope you understand the meaning of it and hope you take the advice.  It is cliche, but in the end sometimes being cliche is okay.  


"I hope you never lose your sense of wonder 


You get your fill to eat 


But always keep that hunger 


May you never take one single breath for granted 


God forbid love ever leave you empty handed 
I hope you still feel small 
When you stand by the ocean 
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens 
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
I hope you dance 
I hope you dance 

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance 
Never settle for the path of least resistance 
Living might mean taking chances 
But they're worth taking 
Lovin' might be a mistake 
But it's worth making 
Don't let some hell bent heart 
Leave you bitter 
When you come close to selling out 
Reconsider 
Give the heavens above 
More than just a passing glance 

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance 
I hope you dance"

---


Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley




Thursday, May 27, 2010

Once a week


P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

MAY 26, 2010


I once had the words to write every day.  Now I wish I had words to write once every week.  A lot has been going on in my mind -- somethings I think are too personal to talk about.  And now is one of those times.  I don't have words to speak or the strength to lend a hand.  I don't mean to abandon or stray away from anyone -- for me to help you, I must help myself first.  

I have had heard this time and time again and now I feel it is true.  I must take care of myself.  I need to focus on me, I need to better myself, I need to simply take a break.    

I want you to know when I go out in public I feel as if I am standing naked in Time Square.  I am in udder shock of it all.  I forget how people work and what they think.  Don't mistake me for not caring or wanting pity.  That is not true.  I love everyone even if I say I hate you.

As I end this, I want you to know I can listen, but I may not have all the right words to say.

I hope to right again soon, but till then stay strong and let me know what you are thinking.

I will leave you with this quote :

 "Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside." - Hugh Macleod



Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

911... What is your emergency?

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
MAY 10, 2010


If you haven't picked up on it yet, I am a true believer of signs.  Everything happens for a reason.  The people in your life are there for a reason.  Some people will come and some people will go.  The duration always varies.   

I met a guy last summer in the emergency room at South Pointe Hospital shortly after the first of June.  I remember the whole situation as if it happened yesterday.  This is no romance.

I was at the Lodi Outlet mall just wasting time and getting some me time in, as I walked into the very first store my mom calls and says can you come pick me up, I have really bad stomach pains.  I thought nothing of it, not five minutes away from her work, I get this message, "Lesley, you might want to call an ambulance your mom is severe pain and is laying on the floor of your dad's office."  Every emotion ran through my head.  What do I do?  Who do I call?  What is wrong with my mom? Is she dying?  I can't lose her too!  Every thought, every action, every emotion ran through my mind.  As I got there, the ambulance was in the parking lot.  I could not tell you how bad I was shaking or the amount of worry that ran through my head.  

This is my mom I thought.  I ran into her work to find her in pain and laying on the floor.  Not exactly something I wanted  to see.  They finally got her in the ambulance and took her to the hospital.  [No we didn't run any lights and the sirens weren't on.  Tell her she needs a refund on her ambulance bill!]

Before she got admitted to her room, the emergency room was like rush hour traffic.  There were so many people in there that not everyone got their own room.  As, I walked around waiting to hear answers about what was going on, I saw this guy who got my attention.  He was about 6 foot, glasses, well put together and was about my age.  

After 4 days, my mom got moved.  To my surprise this guy's mom was two doors down from my mom.  One day he came in and introduced himself.  His name was Jeff.  

Two days later, I went to go ask Jeff, if he would like to go get dinner with me to get our minds off such a serious matter.  He was gone and the room was cleared.  I knew what happened.  

I tried to find him on facebook, but with a common name it is almost near impossible to find someone online.  I did this is in the non-creeperish way -- if possible.  I lost hope and kept praying that everything with him and his family would be okay.  

***

Nearly a year later, I found him.  I was standing watching Winslow play at the Scene Tasteful Affair and I turned to a friend and said I think I met him in the ER last summer.  I am pretty sure she thought I had been doing some heavy drugs.  We ended up getting reintroduced through another friend.  

I gave a long intro before I told him my name.  I am pretty sure he thought I had been smoking some kind of crazy drug and then said wasn't your hair lighter last summer.  I nodded my head and said it was red.  He then confirmed everything I thought and knew.  And from that moment, I was frozen.  

---

That night I realized more than I normally do, that I am absolutely blessed to have my mom in my life.  We may argue and nag each other, but if I didn't have that I would be lost.  We find ourselves funnier than other people do and usually have a good time.

Also, that night I found so much more.  I found a sense of who I was.  People say I look like her, but I beg to differ, but in a good way.  We have been called sisters and even twins -- and I am okay with that. She says lucky for me, not so lucky for you.  But I say I am pretty damn lucky.  

I see so much of her in me.  As I get older, I hope I can be a mom just like her.  As she reads this she will say you will be a better mom, but I don't know.  I highly doubt it.  

---

As mother's day passed, remember your mom every day just not once or twice a year.  She is your mother -- dead or alive.  She brought you up and sure can take you out.  If she is deceased, go visit her grave stone and leave her a flower.  If she is alive, thank her, hug her, or even cook her dinner.

A few short moments of your time could change her world.  She will appreciate it.  

Love you, mom!

---

Remember, I can make ugly pretty!
Lesley

---

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. ~Terri Guillemets

Monday, May 3, 2010

Over-thinking sure is...

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
MAY 2, 2010
 
 
Over-thinking sure is a bitch.  Yes, I said it.  Pardon me! 
 
Frustration does not play well with others.  No matter what mood you are in or the other person is in there is probably going to be a slight altercation, argument, dispute, or drama that happens.  It's life.  
 
I have been trying to get a grip on frustration and dealing with people, but let me tell you.  I think pulling a semi full of elephants is easier to do than overcome the feeling of frustration.  But hey that is me.  
 
While suffocating from frustration, over-thinking mode is right around the corner.  It sure wants to become friendly.  I just want to kick the damn emotion to the curb, but it always seems like I am inviting it in for a cup of coffee.  I don't know how to get rid of it.  Counting to ten, walking away, or going out with friends are solutions people recommend, but it usually doesn't work.  Trust me if it did work, do you think I would be frustrated all the time?
Don't tell me time will make things better.  Me and time are enemies.  And that just adds more frustration.  Which leads to over-thinking.  And we all know what over-thinking is.  
 
 I don't have any advice to make you feel better about this topic or things you can try.  I just know you are not the only one out there frustrated.  Feel free to leave your frustrations below.  I am sure there is someone out there who has been through it just like you and would love to talk to you about.  Just smile and be thankful you have something to be frustrated about.  Right? -- No, I cannot believe I just said that.  
---
 
Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley
 
 
---
 
 
When I am down / Would you be my clown helping my get through to the other side? / When it all goes astray would you fade away / Or would you be… / Would be my side show - Winslow

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

You make me smile like the sun

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
APRIL 20, 2010

A smile is a smile.  Some are returned, some aren't.  Some are fake.  Some are genuine.  Some are innocent while others are seductive.  
 
There are a million different types of smiles, and they all change by the emotion you are feeling.  And according to Info Barrel.com, Smiling releases endorphins and makes us feel better, even when you fake a smile you can feel better. 
 
And I am a firm believer on this.  I have talked to friends, my counselor and family members about smiling and the effect it has had on me.
 
---
 
I was having one of those days where the weather described your mood.  It was black and rainy with clouds -- pure nastiness and that was exactly how I felt.  I was walking out of Gabriel Brother's and there was this girl, probably four or five with purple sugar all over her face, candy in one hand a stuffed animal in the other.  I looked down and she was looking up at me with her bug eyes and smiled.
 
I smirked back and laughed on the way to the car.  I had snapped back in my mood by the time I reached my car.  As the week past, I could not get that little girl out of the back of my head.  I still cannot get her out of my head, when I am having a bad day.  She was so innocent and so precious to even have a care in the world.  
 
---
 
Today was such a good day, but as it called it quits, and turned out the lights it literally turned day into night.  Emotions got the best of me and I sat there crying wondering why me. As a friend and I remencised about our futures and I remembered that girl, and it changed my day back to being happy.  
 
---
 
Next time you see someone down or you feel you need to help someone out, but don't know how, share a smile.  It is the easiest thing you can do and it is even FREE.  Try it and see how it feels. 
 
---
 
Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley
 
 
---
 
Even when you're gone / Somehow you come along /  Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that / You steal away the rain and just like that -- Uncle Kracker

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Half-written

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
APRIL 19, 2010

Passion. Love. Is there a difference? 

Think about it. Take a minute.  Pause. Relax and Reflect.  
Did you do that?

There is a difference.   I am not talking in terms of romance and lust.  I am speaking in terms of things that make you, you!

---

Several years ago, I wrote poetry.  I had notebooks upon notebooks full of half-written poems, paragraphs that had no beginning or no end, and thoughts that were so abstract - I didn't know what I was talking about.  

It was a release. It made sense to me and that was all that mattered.  I don't share those thoughts with people because I am afraid of what someone would say, what someone would think.  It's all in an art form.  

Today, someone said my blog was well-written and it made them sound good.  It's not a matter of making anyone sound good, or making me sound good.  It is just the way I see it.  

As I write this blog, it makes me feel human.  It is a release. I was too afraid to write after my sophomore year of college after nearly flunking a class because I wrote too formal.  It pulled everything out of me.  I thought I wrote decent, but to him I did not.  

After writing freely on my own, writing letters, and attempting to do my own thing, I figured why not give it another shot.  I love writing.  

I surround myself in a such world of just graphics and photographs -- but that's only part of my creativity.  I love words just as much as I love design and photography. 

---

Writing is not my passion.  Every morning I don't think of what I am going to write or if I am going to write. But when I do I think things out and make sure they are how I want them to sound.  I can type something over and over again until I like the way it sounds.  It is obsessive compulsive.  I have conversations in my head of what I would say and how I would say it.  Odd, I know.  

---

I write things, erase, and type again.  Hit control Z and undo everything.  I need everything to be perfect. Like lyrics of a song. 

And here I stand writing to you about passion and love.  And before this I preached about my bucket list and the importance it played in my life.  Having a conversation with someone dear to me today, made me realize I have another item on my bucket list.  -- Write a song and have it be recorded.  

It seems so silly, but when lyrics end up facebook statuses and away messages it seems so simple.  Words can change the way someone things, it can help brighten a day or explain a situation that can't be explained.  It's something so magical to me when I know that someone was inspired by something so simple.  It could be selfish, but something that makes me smile and thank God I am alive.  

---

Life is too short to hold back on.  Go head first and over analyze something so simple that makes you inspired to do something out of the box.  Stand up and check your dreams - I am sure they are simple.  

Your dreams aren't silly.  They are what make you, you.  Is it love or passion that keeps you going?

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley


I am a light sleeper, but a heavy dreamer! -unknown.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Yup, I got that disease too.

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
APRIL 18, 2010
Hello Anxiety!  I would like you to please step out of my life for awhile.  You have done nothing positive in my life especially this past weekend.  

I know I am not the only one who gets anxiety from the littlest things.  The rainy weather for three straight days, my never ending pile of work, expenses that need to be paid, amongst other things are causing me to have more anxiety attacks than I have ever expereinced before.  

Over the weekend past, I found myself looking through my phone book and searching for drama.  I needed a sense of attention.  It's funny.  A friend brought it up and I thought about it -- I need attention every once in awhile.  Positive or negative, I will take it. 

After we talked about this, I knew I was not the only one out there who felt the same way too.  After I am sure a 100 or so text messages in a couple hours, I was still not fulfilled.  The attention was not there, which caused me to have more anxiety.  

As Sunday called it quits, she sent another text, be patient, it will happen.  As, I thought about it, it all made sense -- instant gratification.  Who would of thunk it?  Yes, I am a victim of this disease.  Whatever it is called, I have it. 

Whether it is shopping or sending a text message, kicking and screaming or drinking an adult beverage, it all routes from instant gratification.  It feels good at the moment and when it is all over it is back to reality.  Happiness doesn't come from all that shopping or texting you do, causing drama or over indulging in booze.  It helps right then and there, but when it wears off, where are you standing?
Think about it! You got to find happiness with in and not from others.  I am stating things I need to do for myself.  You can't go buy it, or drink it up, it's all about changing your way of thinking.  

 Find friends you can count on.  They will help you in the long run.  Everyone has the tough love friend, the shoulder to cry on friend, the instant gratification friend, the moral support friend, the gossip friend, the list goes on! Just find the friend or friends that mean the most in the times like these.  I did and they help you from making stupid decisions.

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley

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Tomorrow’s just a sip away / And California’s burst into flames / What is clear and what is insane / Seem to meet somewhere in your name / I’m a little distracted / Running with shadows / A little distracted / Living in windows - Zach
 

Friday, April 16, 2010

So much for no ice

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
APRIL 15, 2010
 
Jack and coke; - no ice.  Two ingredients in a cup with two dinky straws.  It's all I wanted and not hard to order.  I approached the bar and this drunk guy looked at me and said what do you want.  "Jack and coke-no ice," I responded.  As I got my drink the drunk guy turned to me and said $4.50.  I went from being somewhat excited and expected a drink to wondering what just happened.  As I turned around, a guy looked at me and said, "so much for no ice."  
From that moment on I did not know who I was talking to.  The night went on and I found myself wanted to know about this character.  He had the sexiest hair I have seen in a long time, his looks where simply metrosexual, and his flirtacious ways were simply irresistible.   And of course his musician status made me simply want to know more.
He didn't seem to be the typical musician who went on about how he missed a part of the song or how he sounds like this band or how he was influenced by 13 bands that I have never even heard of.  He went from a musician to feeling like I have known him forever, which I know is not true.  

I have talked to him on several different accounts since Saturday.  Each time I talk to him and learn about his drive, his life, and his personality.  It is very strange.  I am simple intrigued.  Of course I meet new people all the time. Talk to them, few weeks later talk to them again and then run into them at a bar and maybe catch their show or hang out with them.  Nothing special-  just typical networking.  
Minus the fact that he has played with Chris Daughtry and wrote guitar parts for some of the songs Chris Daughtry plays and all the other artists that he has played, he a normal human!  The more I talk to the older musicians the cooler their stories are. I am not saying the younger ones are not interesting or that they don't have awesome stories because they do.  I know they do.  That is not my point.  My point is the more you get people out of their element and on to their normal lives, the more normal they become.  
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Next time someone you don't know protects you from a drunk at the bar -thank 'em.  If they aren't creepy, they probably have a good story.  Even the creep sticks have good stories but I am sure this could end bad for you.  If they go outside to smoke and ask you if you smoke - go along even if you don't smoke.  I am sure a chuckle about why you are standing outside will happen.  Even give them your phone number if it isn't a creeper.  If you are drunk make better decisions. 

There are people at bars who are normal.  They may be the guitarist in a band from another state drinking a beer standing behind you watching the drunk guy at the bar hit on you.  Yeah, that person is probably normal.  
Don't let a person so intriguing pass you by.  I never thought I would be writing about a stranger I met a few short days ago and how normal they are.  From what I heard they have a pretty intense life.  I am going to say it is just like my story, my best friend's story, my cousin's story and the girl up the street's story.  Everyone has a different story, but to a degree everyone has a similar story.  

Check yourself.  When you think your life is bad, just ask the person sitting next to you how they are.  Maybe it will change your life, maybe it will give you an outlook that you never had before.  As, I write this I thank this young gentlemen for saving me from the drunk guy and even making me pay for my drink - I had to put this in there.  He might read it and it might make him realize I am out of 6 buck because of him.  It's a joke people!
Next time listen to a story and understand that that person is human.
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Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley
"They say that we're too young / Maybe they were right / What do they know anyway" -Jim Horn and Mark Perry

Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Irony of it all

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
APRIL 7, 2010
 
 
Today was rather rough.  I am unsure why.  Tomorrow is a day I wish I could skip every day for the rest of my life.  April 8 just makes me cringe.  I never thought I would be sitting here blogging about such great loss.  
 
I am no expert at this whole loss thing, but I feel I could be the President of any club related to the such topic.  I saw more loss in two years than I ever expected to see.  I didn't even think a good friend, father, client, and a dog would all vanish out of my life all in the matter of six months.  To continue on with the theme I lost my job, "friends" and every little ounce of happiness I had.   
 
I don't want a pity party or anyone to tell me to stay strong. I have heard that more times than the times I got in trouble as a kid.  Just know people do need someone to talk to and they don't want to hear that you are having the worst day of your life.  
 
Saying you had the worst day of your life because you woke up late and your boss yelled at you is not even close to what some people have experienced.  And if that is your worst day ever consider yourself lucky.  Because if all I had to bitch about was that I broke a nail and couldn't find anything to wear, I would consider myself lucky.  
 
Next time you see someone down, don't let them go unloved.  Give them a hug and if you are in a hurry or busy tell them to text you and you can talk that way.  It's something they need.  
 
Remember to count your blessings and love your parents.  I know sometimes it is hard to, but remember they gave you life, and they sure can take you out of this world.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about lucky I am to have my mom left.  


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Daddy's hands, soft and kind when I was cryin' / Daddy's hands, hard as steel when I done wrong. / Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand, There was always love in daddy's hands.