Thursday, May 27, 2010

Once a week

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

MAY 26, 2010

I once had the words to write every day.  Now I wish I had words to write once every week.  A lot has been going on in my mind -- somethings I think are too personal to talk about.  And now is one of those times.  I don't have words to speak or the strength to lend a hand.  I don't mean to abandon or stray away from anyone -- for me to help you, I must help myself first.  

I have had heard this time and time again and now I feel it is true.  I must take care of myself.  I need to focus on me, I need to better myself, I need to simply take a break.    

I want you to know when I go out in public I feel as if I am standing naked in Time Square.  I am in udder shock of it all.  I forget how people work and what they think.  Don't mistake me for not caring or wanting pity.  That is not true.  I love everyone even if I say I hate you.

As I end this, I want you to know I can listen, but I may not have all the right words to say.

I hope to right again soon, but till then stay strong and let me know what you are thinking.

I will leave you with this quote :

 "Never compare your inside with somebody else's outside." - Hugh Macleod

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

911... What is your emergency?

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
MAY 10, 2010

If you haven't picked up on it yet, I am a true believer of signs.  Everything happens for a reason.  The people in your life are there for a reason.  Some people will come and some people will go.  The duration always varies.   

I met a guy last summer in the emergency room at South Pointe Hospital shortly after the first of June.  I remember the whole situation as if it happened yesterday.  This is no romance.

I was at the Lodi Outlet mall just wasting time and getting some me time in, as I walked into the very first store my mom calls and says can you come pick me up, I have really bad stomach pains.  I thought nothing of it, not five minutes away from her work, I get this message, "Lesley, you might want to call an ambulance your mom is severe pain and is laying on the floor of your dad's office."  Every emotion ran through my head.  What do I do?  Who do I call?  What is wrong with my mom? Is she dying?  I can't lose her too!  Every thought, every action, every emotion ran through my mind.  As I got there, the ambulance was in the parking lot.  I could not tell you how bad I was shaking or the amount of worry that ran through my head.  

This is my mom I thought.  I ran into her work to find her in pain and laying on the floor.  Not exactly something I wanted  to see.  They finally got her in the ambulance and took her to the hospital.  [No we didn't run any lights and the sirens weren't on.  Tell her she needs a refund on her ambulance bill!]

Before she got admitted to her room, the emergency room was like rush hour traffic.  There were so many people in there that not everyone got their own room.  As, I walked around waiting to hear answers about what was going on, I saw this guy who got my attention.  He was about 6 foot, glasses, well put together and was about my age.  

After 4 days, my mom got moved.  To my surprise this guy's mom was two doors down from my mom.  One day he came in and introduced himself.  His name was Jeff.  

Two days later, I went to go ask Jeff, if he would like to go get dinner with me to get our minds off such a serious matter.  He was gone and the room was cleared.  I knew what happened.  

I tried to find him on facebook, but with a common name it is almost near impossible to find someone online.  I did this is in the non-creeperish way -- if possible.  I lost hope and kept praying that everything with him and his family would be okay.  


Nearly a year later, I found him.  I was standing watching Winslow play at the Scene Tasteful Affair and I turned to a friend and said I think I met him in the ER last summer.  I am pretty sure she thought I had been doing some heavy drugs.  We ended up getting reintroduced through another friend.  

I gave a long intro before I told him my name.  I am pretty sure he thought I had been smoking some kind of crazy drug and then said wasn't your hair lighter last summer.  I nodded my head and said it was red.  He then confirmed everything I thought and knew.  And from that moment, I was frozen.  


That night I realized more than I normally do, that I am absolutely blessed to have my mom in my life.  We may argue and nag each other, but if I didn't have that I would be lost.  We find ourselves funnier than other people do and usually have a good time.

Also, that night I found so much more.  I found a sense of who I was.  People say I look like her, but I beg to differ, but in a good way.  We have been called sisters and even twins -- and I am okay with that. She says lucky for me, not so lucky for you.  But I say I am pretty damn lucky.  

I see so much of her in me.  As I get older, I hope I can be a mom just like her.  As she reads this she will say you will be a better mom, but I don't know.  I highly doubt it.  


As mother's day passed, remember your mom every day just not once or twice a year.  She is your mother -- dead or alive.  She brought you up and sure can take you out.  If she is deceased, go visit her grave stone and leave her a flower.  If she is alive, thank her, hug her, or even cook her dinner.

A few short moments of your time could change her world.  She will appreciate it.  

Love you, mom!


Remember, I can make ugly pretty!


I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. ~Terri Guillemets

Monday, May 3, 2010

Over-thinking sure is...

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
MAY 2, 2010
Over-thinking sure is a bitch.  Yes, I said it.  Pardon me! 
Frustration does not play well with others.  No matter what mood you are in or the other person is in there is probably going to be a slight altercation, argument, dispute, or drama that happens.  It's life.  
I have been trying to get a grip on frustration and dealing with people, but let me tell you.  I think pulling a semi full of elephants is easier to do than overcome the feeling of frustration.  But hey that is me.  
While suffocating from frustration, over-thinking mode is right around the corner.  It sure wants to become friendly.  I just want to kick the damn emotion to the curb, but it always seems like I am inviting it in for a cup of coffee.  I don't know how to get rid of it.  Counting to ten, walking away, or going out with friends are solutions people recommend, but it usually doesn't work.  Trust me if it did work, do you think I would be frustrated all the time?
Don't tell me time will make things better.  Me and time are enemies.  And that just adds more frustration.  Which leads to over-thinking.  And we all know what over-thinking is.  
 I don't have any advice to make you feel better about this topic or things you can try.  I just know you are not the only one out there frustrated.  Feel free to leave your frustrations below.  I am sure there is someone out there who has been through it just like you and would love to talk to you about.  Just smile and be thankful you have something to be frustrated about.  Right? -- No, I cannot believe I just said that.  
Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
When I am down / Would you be my clown helping my get through to the other side? / When it all goes astray would you fade away / Or would you be… / Would be my side show - Winslow