You make me smile like the sun

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

APRIL 20, 2010

A smile is a smile.  Some are returned, some aren't.  Some are fake.  Some are genuine.  Some are innocent while others are seductive.  

 

There are a million different types of smiles, and they all change by the emotion you are feeling.  And according to Info Barrel.com, Smiling releases endorphins and makes us feel better, even when you fake a smile you can feel better. 

 

And I am a firm believer on this.  I have talked to friends, my counselor and family members about smiling and the effect it has had on me.

 

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I was having one of those days where the weather described your mood.  It was black and rainy with clouds -- pure nastiness and that was exactly how I felt.  I was walking out of Gabriel Brother's and there was this girl, probably four or five with purple sugar all over her face, candy in one hand a stuffed animal in the other.  I looked down and she was looking up at me with her bug eyes and smiled.

 

I smirked back and laughed on the way to the car.  I had snapped back in my mood by the time I reached my car.  As the week past, I could not get that little girl out of the back of my head.  I still cannot get her out of my head, when I am having a bad day.  She was so innocent and so precious to even have a care in the world.  

 

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Today was such a good day, but as it called it quits, and turned out the lights it literally turned day into night.  Emotions got the best of me and I sat there crying wondering why me. As a friend and I remencised about our futures and I remembered that girl, and it changed my day back to being happy.  

 

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Next time you see someone down or you feel you need to help someone out, but don't know how, share a smile.  It is the easiest thing you can do and it is even FREE.  Try it and see how it feels. 

 

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Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!

Lesley

 

 

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Even when you're gone / Somehow you come along /  Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that / You steal away the rain and just like that -- Uncle Kracker

Half-written

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

APRIL 19, 2010

Passion. Love. Is there a difference? 

Think about it. Take a minute.  Pause. Relax and Reflect.  

Did you do that?

There is a difference.   I am not talking in terms of romance and lust.  I am speaking in terms of things that make you, you!

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Several years ago, I wrote poetry.  I had notebooks upon notebooks full of half-written poems, paragraphs that had no beginning or no end, and thoughts that were so abstract - I didn't know what I was talking about.  

It was a release. It made sense to me and that was all that mattered.  I don't share those thoughts with people because I am afraid of what someone would say, what someone would think.  It's all in an art form.  

Today, someone said my blog was well-written and it made them sound good.  It's not a matter of making anyone sound good, or making me sound good.  It is just the way I see it.  

As I write this blog, it makes me feel human.  It is a release. I was too afraid to write after my sophomore year of college after nearly flunking a class because I wrote too formal.  It pulled everything out of me.  I thought I wrote decent, but to him I did not.  

After writing freely on my own, writing letters, and attempting to do my own thing, I figured why not give it another shot.  I love writing.  

I surround myself in a such world of just graphics and photographs -- but that's only part of my creativity.  I love words just as much as I love design and photography. 

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Writing is not my passion.  Every morning I don't think of what I am going to write or if I am going to write. But when I do I think things out and make sure they are how I want them to sound.  I can type something over and over again until I like the way it sounds.  It is obsessive compulsive.  I have conversations in my head of what I would say and how I would say it.  Odd, I know.  

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I write things, erase, and type again.  Hit control Z and undo everything.  I need everything to be perfect. Like lyrics of a song. 

And here I stand writing to you about passion and love.  And before this I preached about my bucket list and the importance it played in my life.  Having a conversation with someone dear to me today, made me realize I have another item on my bucket list.  -- Write a song and have it be recorded.  

It seems so silly, but when lyrics end up facebook statuses and away messages it seems so simple.  Words can change the way someone things, it can help brighten a day or explain a situation that can't be explained.  It's something so magical to me when I know that someone was inspired by something so simple.  It could be selfish, but something that makes me smile and thank God I am alive.  

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Life is too short to hold back on.  Go head first and over analyze something so simple that makes you inspired to do something out of the box.  Stand up and check your dreams - I am sure they are simple.  

Your dreams aren't silly.  They are what make you, you.  Is it love or passion that keeps you going?

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!

Lesley

I am a light sleeper, but a heavy dreamer! -unknown.

Yup, I got that disease too.

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

APRIL 18, 2010

Hello Anxiety!  I would like you to please step out of my life for awhile.  You have done nothing positive in my life especially this past weekend.  

I know I am not the only one who gets anxiety from the littlest things.  The rainy weather for three straight days, my never ending pile of work, expenses that need to be paid, amongst other things are causing me to have more anxiety attacks than I have ever expereinced before.  

Over the weekend past, I found myself looking through my phone book and searching for drama.  I needed a sense of attention.  It's funny.  A friend brought it up and I thought about it -- I need attention every once in awhile.  Positive or negative, I will take it. 

After we talked about this, I knew I was not the only one out there who felt the same way too.  After I am sure a 100 or so text messages in a couple hours, I was still not fulfilled.  The attention was not there, which caused me to have more anxiety.  

As Sunday called it quits, she sent another text, be patient, it will happen.  As, I thought about it, it all made sense -- instant gratification.  Who would of thunk it?  Yes, I am a victim of this disease.  Whatever it is called, I have it. 

Whether it is shopping or sending a text message, kicking and screaming or drinking an adult beverage, it all routes from instant gratification.  It feels good at the moment and when it is all over it is back to reality.  Happiness doesn't come from all that shopping or texting you do, causing drama or over indulging in booze.  It helps right then and there, but when it wears off, where are you standing?

Think about it! You got to find happiness with in and not from others.  I am stating things I need to do for myself.  You can't go buy it, or drink it up, it's all about changing your way of thinking.  

 Find friends you can count on.  They will help you in the long run.  Everyone has the tough love friend, the shoulder to cry on friend, the instant gratification friend, the moral support friend, the gossip friend, the list goes on! Just find the friend or friends that mean the most in the times like these.  I did and they help you from making stupid decisions.

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!

Lesley

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Tomorrow’s just a sip away / And California’s burst into flames / What is clear and what is insane / Seem to meet somewhere in your name / I’m a little distracted / Running with shadows / A little distracted / Living in windows - Zach

 

So much for no ice

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

APRIL 15, 2010

 

Jack and coke; - no ice.  Two ingredients in a cup with two dinky straws.  It's all I wanted and not hard to order.  I approached the bar and this drunk guy looked at me and said what do you want.  "Jack and coke-no ice," I responded.  As I got my drink the drunk guy turned to me and said $4.50.  I went from being somewhat excited and expected a drink to wondering what just happened.  As I turned around, a guy looked at me and said, "so much for no ice."  

From that moment on I did not know who I was talking to.  The night went on and I found myself wanted to know about this character.  He had the sexiest hair I have seen in a long time, his looks where simply metrosexual, and his flirtacious ways were simply irresistible.   And of course his musician status made me simply want to know more.

He didn't seem to be the typical musician who went on about how he missed a part of the song or how he sounds like this band or how he was influenced by 13 bands that I have never even heard of.  He went from a musician to feeling like I have known him forever, which I know is not true.  

I have talked to him on several different accounts since Saturday.  Each time I talk to him and learn about his drive, his life, and his personality.  It is very strange.  I am simple intrigued.  Of course I meet new people all the time. Talk to them, few weeks later talk to them again and then run into them at a bar and maybe catch their show or hang out with them.  Nothing special-  just typical networking.  

Minus the fact that he has played with Chris Daughtry and wrote guitar parts for some of the songs Chris Daughtry plays and all the other artists that he has played, he a normal human!  The more I talk to the older musicians the cooler their stories are. I am not saying the younger ones are not interesting or that they don't have awesome stories because they do.  I know they do.  That is not my point.  My point is the more you get people out of their element and on to their normal lives, the more normal they become.  

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Next time someone you don't know protects you from a drunk at the bar -thank 'em.  If they aren't creepy, they probably have a good story.  Even the creep sticks have good stories but I am sure this could end bad for you.  If they go outside to smoke and ask you if you smoke - go along even if you don't smoke.  I am sure a chuckle about why you are standing outside will happen.  Even give them your phone number if it isn't a creeper.  If you are drunk make better decisions. 

There are people at bars who are normal.  They may be the guitarist in a band from another state drinking a beer standing behind you watching the drunk guy at the bar hit on you.  Yeah, that person is probably normal.  

Don't let a person so intriguing pass you by.  I never thought I would be writing about a stranger I met a few short days ago and how normal they are.  From what I heard they have a pretty intense life.  I am going to say it is just like my story, my best friend's story, my cousin's story and the girl up the street's story.  Everyone has a different story, but to a degree everyone has a similar story.  

Check yourself.  When you think your life is bad, just ask the person sitting next to you how they are.  Maybe it will change your life, maybe it will give you an outlook that you never had before.  As, I write this I thank this young gentlemen for saving me from the drunk guy and even making me pay for my drink - I had to put this in there.  He might read it and it might make him realize I am out of 6 buck because of him.  It's a joke people!

Next time listen to a story and understand that that person is human.

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Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley

"They say that we're too young / Maybe they were right / What do they know anyway" -Jim Horn and Mark Perry

The Irony of it all

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

APRIL 7, 2010

 

 

Today was rather rough.  I am unsure why.  Tomorrow is a day I wish I could skip every day for the rest of my life.  April 8 just makes me cringe.  I never thought I would be sitting here blogging about such great loss.  

 

I am no expert at this whole loss thing, but I feel I could be the President of any club related to the such topic.  I saw more loss in two years than I ever expected to see.  I didn't even think a good friend, father, client, and a dog would all vanish out of my life all in the matter of six months.  To continue on with the theme I lost my job, "friends" and every little ounce of happiness I had.   

 

I don't want a pity party or anyone to tell me to stay strong. I have heard that more times than the times I got in trouble as a kid.  Just know people do need someone to talk to and they don't want to hear that you are having the worst day of your life.  

 

Saying you had the worst day of your life because you woke up late and your boss yelled at you is not even close to what some people have experienced.  And if that is your worst day ever consider yourself lucky.  Because if all I had to bitch about was that I broke a nail and couldn't find anything to wear, I would consider myself lucky.  

 

Next time you see someone down, don't let them go unloved.  Give them a hug and if you are in a hurry or busy tell them to text you and you can talk that way.  It's something they need.  

 

Remember to count your blessings and love your parents.  I know sometimes it is hard to, but remember they gave you life, and they sure can take you out of this world.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about lucky I am to have my mom left.  

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Daddy's hands, soft and kind when I was cryin' / Daddy's hands, hard as steel when I done wrong. / Daddy's hands weren't always gentle but I've come to understand, There was always love in daddy's hands.

 

Don't drink when depressed

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

APRIL 6, 2010

It has been awhile since I have written in here.  I am slacking and I apologize to my readers.  Leave me comments so I know you read it. 

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There is a lot on my mind -- I wish I got more sleep last night, the traffic this morning was annoying, getting blood drawn was like someone gouging my arm with a machete, I should stay up longer and do work, I should punish myself for not getting anything accomplished.  

The business meeting tonight lasted longer than I thought.  I had all these goals, none got accomplished.  I know I can do them all tomorrow, but will I have the energy?  Tonight I had two tall beers, not the smartest move, but I needed to relax.  Right?  

Right, is the correct answer.  But booze was not the correct answer to go.  I am not saying I am an alcoholic in the least.  I am stating that I like to have a drink or two.  And tonight was not a good night.  

As the excitement of the beer wore off, emotions got the best of me.  Happiness turned to sadness, excitement turned to anger, satisfaction turned to pain.  Nothing that I saw coming.  As I started to realize, don't drink while depressed.

Tonight couldn't of ended any slower. 

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A year and a few days ago, I got a texted from someone who I grew close to over the years.  [We sat through alot of classes together, we graduated high school together and ended up graduating five people apart from each other in college -- just like high school. ]  I remember to this day, the exact feeling I had when I got the text.  It said, "I am probably flying home soon, I may need you." I knew exactly what this meant.  


I was in the middle of a shoot at a concert when I read it again.  A hundred or so people stood there singing and dancing, as I stood there with chills and a simple tear running down my face.  I immediately put my camera down, walked out of the bar and just stared at my phone.  It was as if I just got struck by lightening.  


I waited till the show ended, packed up my stuff and went home.  I had no words to say or sentences to form.  I drove home with my hands at ten and two, praying the whole way home.  


A few long days passed, and I did everything I could to be some kind of support.  A few days later, I get a text.  He passed away.  Two days shy of my dad's one year -- a close friend's father died.  I didn't know him besides Erika's dad, but he always seemed pretty cool to me.  If he was related to her -- he was nothing short of awesomeness.  I just remember sitting next to Erika at graduation and her saying why are my parents still waving and why do they keep looking at me?  


It is one of the fondest memories I have of her.  


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Each year it gets harder and harder.  I find myself freezing in my tracks thinking about the simpleist things -- my gumball machine, my trip to Cleveland Clinic, a glass of Jack and Coke or even a model rocket.  


Time becomes precious as you grow older.  People become fragile and memories fonder.  If I had a million more days to live I would thank everyone who has touched me -- in a good way or a bad way because I am who I am because of you.  Remember to share opportunities with people because you never know when that goodbye will be.


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Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!

Lesley




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Quote of the day: 

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." Will Rogers