Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Don't drink when depressed

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
APRIL 6, 2010
It has been awhile since I have written in here.  I am slacking and I apologize to my readers.  Leave me comments so I know you read it. 
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There is a lot on my mind -- I wish I got more sleep last night, the traffic this morning was annoying, getting blood drawn was like someone gouging my arm with a machete, I should stay up longer and do work, I should punish myself for not getting anything accomplished.  
The business meeting tonight lasted longer than I thought.  I had all these goals, none got accomplished.  I know I can do them all tomorrow, but will I have the energy?  Tonight I had two tall beers, not the smartest move, but I needed to relax.  Right?  
Right, is the correct answer.  But booze was not the correct answer to go.  I am not saying I am an alcoholic in the least.  I am stating that I like to have a drink or two.  And tonight was not a good night.  

As the excitement of the beer wore off, emotions got the best of me.  Happiness turned to sadness, excitement turned to anger, satisfaction turned to pain.  Nothing that I saw coming.  As I started to realize, don't drink while depressed.

Tonight couldn't of ended any slower. 

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A year and a few days ago, I got a texted from someone who I grew close to over the years.  [We sat through alot of classes together, we graduated high school together and ended up graduating five people apart from each other in college -- just like high school. ]  I remember to this day, the exact feeling I had when I got the text.  It said, "I am probably flying home soon, I may need you." I knew exactly what this meant.  


I was in the middle of a shoot at a concert when I read it again.  A hundred or so people stood there singing and dancing, as I stood there with chills and a simple tear running down my face.  I immediately put my camera down, walked out of the bar and just stared at my phone.  It was as if I just got struck by lightening.  


I waited till the show ended, packed up my stuff and went home.  I had no words to say or sentences to form.  I drove home with my hands at ten and two, praying the whole way home.  


A few long days passed, and I did everything I could to be some kind of support.  A few days later, I get a text.  He passed away.  Two days shy of my dad's one year -- a close friend's father died.  I didn't know him besides Erika's dad, but he always seemed pretty cool to me.  If he was related to her -- he was nothing short of awesomeness.  I just remember sitting next to Erika at graduation and her saying why are my parents still waving and why do they keep looking at me?  


It is one of the fondest memories I have of her.  


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Each year it gets harder and harder.  I find myself freezing in my tracks thinking about the simpleist things -- my gumball machine, my trip to Cleveland Clinic, a glass of Jack and Coke or even a model rocket.  


Time becomes precious as you grow older.  People become fragile and memories fonder.  If I had a million more days to live I would thank everyone who has touched me -- in a good way or a bad way because I am who I am because of you.  Remember to share opportunities with people because you never know when that goodbye will be.


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Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley




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Quote of the day: 
"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." Will Rogers




5 comments:

Brittany said...

very touching les... you have such a great heart!

mUm said...

Beautiful! and I remember that day also...you called me with such sadness in your voice, and said "Pray for Erica's dad and family." But sometimes sad or bad times can turn into something good too. I say that because I have gotten to become friends with Erica's mom and that is special to me.

Kathy said...

You have been through something that other people your age would not experience for many years. I have watched you march through all of this with strength, love and courage. You are a wonderful young lady and someone I admire.

Melissa Lilley said...

<3

T.M. Göttl said...

Thank you, so much for sharing things here that I imagine are very difficult to share sometimes.

We're all struggling, one way or another. It helps to remember that we're all in this together.

I went to hear Joy Harjo play music and read poetry a couple weeks ago. One of the things she said was, "Everyone I know is going through something right now...But I always figured we might as well sing."

Sing on.