Friday, January 29, 2010

I need you to relax, kiddo

Last week, could of not been any longer.  There were ups and downs, but mostly downs.  I tried everything to get myself out of the downward spiral, but failed miserably.  Nothing that was said made me feel right, no action was warm enough.  I felt as if I was being sucked into a black hole, and I was running the opposite direction.  I was losing this battle of staying strong even though every tear was dried up by a dog, every night was filled with an I love you and a good night, every morning was welcomed with a dog snoring next to me, and every freak out was followed by just relax, you are okay.

I didn't think I was okay.  I felt as hell was living inside of me.  I didn't understand this concept as I had many meetings previous to this, and I was nothing but motivated and determined to make the most of it.  Times change I would say.

Friday rolled around and a good friend of invited me over to her brother's house.  He had be deployed to Iraq and is now back home.  [Welcome back, Austin.  Glad you are home.  <3] I had not seen him for a while, but that there made me realize something.  Don't know what, but it made me realize something.

The next day, I returned a phone call from my friend Bryan.  I had not talked to him in awhile  -- Fall sometime.  When I was talking to him I felt like I was talking to a reflection of myself.  He told me some great news and I could of not been more proud of him.  As Monday rolled around he gave me greater news.  My wish for him came true.

From there on out, my cloudy days turned into sunshine and rainbows.  It is the greatest feeling to be surrounded by love and support.  And knowing it is genuine.


I feel so far behind on doing stuff for my art showing.  I thought about canceling it many times, but knew it wasn't fair to the parties involved.  Feeling not confident about it, I was on my way to Kent the other day and I got the greatest sign from someone special.

As I got off the exit, I looked up and there was a single red balloon circling in the sky.  I know who this was from --it was someone who was always there, who was one of my biggest fans even when we didn't get a long. I wasn't sure if I should cry or if I should smile.  So I did a little of both.  And I knew it was his way of saying, "Wuzzy, you can do it."  I looked up at the sky and said thanks and blew him a kiss. 

With the emotions aside, in the past few days I accomplished a lot for my big show.  But I never found my red leopard heels I need.  I got five frames at decent prices, some really good photos, frost bite and the determination to do this.  Who said this was painless?  :)


Special thanks to the following: Momma Unit, Ol' Aaron Moses, Maurice, Amber, Austin, and Bryan. 


Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!


So fathers, be good to your daughters / Daughters will love like you do / Girls become lovers who turn into mothers / So mothers, be good to your daughters too.  -John Mayer

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Morning comes too soon

There are days that I wake up completely agitated and I just want to sleep.  But I know I can't back to sleep because I have a list of things that I have to do.

 Yesterday was one of them.  Even though it was highly agitating it was a day that I needed to get things done.  Some accomplished, some not.  During the day I was pissed that I could not accomplish most of it, but by night fall I did not care and all I wanted to do was go back to bed.

I reflected on the day and once again, I counted my blessings.  I am more talented than I give myself credit for, I am funnier than I crack myself up to be, and I am blessed with some of the greatest family (, dogs) and friends a girl could ask for.  

I am posting a picture from the shoot I did yesterday.  Gotta keep on doing things when you don't want to make yourself stronger.  And that is what I did.

I will post another entry soon when I get my thoughts together and my adventures the last few days.  Some good, some bad, but over all well worth it.

Thanks for reading and the endless support.

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!

Monday, January 25, 2010

I am back

H  E  L  L  O     T  H  E  R  E !

It has been more than two years since I have written in/on here. I must say, excuse my mess that I may have left on here. Not exactly why I quit writing in here, but why don't I start fresh.

Times change and so has my life. I am not here to sit and complain about what has happened. I want to reflect on my dreams, my bucket list and so much more. Sit down, buckle up and enjoy the ride. [Remember to keep your arms and legs in the vehicle at all times while the ride is moving. For if some reason you need to depart, wait till it comes to a complete stop and take precautions.] I would also like to hear from you. Positive, negative, critique or compliment, I would love to hear it and I take each and every one to heart. It's a New year. Why not have a new attitude and a new outlook. Thank you for stopping by.


Dreams come and dreams go. Bucket lists are written, but are they truly checked off? Lately, the bucket list is the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thing at night. It has become almost an obsession, I am mere OCD about my bucket list. It is crazy, but it keeps me driven. Don't know about focused, but driven. It's a strange thing, but I kind of like. It's like a boyfriend, fiance, or even a spouse, but not. Crazy, I know!

A year ago, I had one of the best things happen to me. I walked into a venue to see my favorite band play, of course I was fully equipped with camera, lenses, and flash, and many memory cards. I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but I thought there was a reason I went to this show an hour away by myself in the middle of winter. As I rounded the corner, I saw four guys. I was unsure of what to do since I was standing there by myself. I swallowed my pride for a minute and a slide over, and I looked at one of them and said, "Are you Tony?" After that it was history.

I got to go "backstage" and hang out with the band. And on top of all that they were even staying in my hometown for the weekend, so that meant I got to spend more time with them -- drinks, movies, quality time, some karaoke and coffee. What a girl's dream -- to hang out with her favorite band of all time.

I was completely blessed. I got to experience something so amazing, but I knew there was more -- wasn't quite sure of what it was. As our night of drinking came to an end, it reached a serious point. The coffee seemed to have brought the conversation to a more grown up one, one that will probably change my life forever.

Shaun, the drummer and I were talking -- I forget what it was about, but it made me realize I was going to be hooked with them for more than my teeny bopper years [yes, I am 24 and still feel like a teeny bopper]. Shaun was talking about his beautiful daughter and when she was born. I was so excited to hear about her and how beautiful she was. We then started talking about death, which seemed kind of odd to be talking about after a happy night of drinking. I forget who asked who, but the date came up -- April 8, 2008. It was a moment where chills ran down your back and goose bumps covered your arms and you became speechless. For every passing, there is a baby born. And that is the day we will forever share.

A couple days later, I get a text message, "We are playing in Indiana at a private party, we want you to shoot it." There was not even a nanosecond that past and I responded I would love to. A month later I packed up my car for my three day journey. I got to see a private practice, in which they played my favorite song for me and to only me, got bonding time, the best photographs, the best memories that will never be erased, and four really good friends plus a couple.

It started with a simple nerdy hello and ended with four good friends plus a couple -- who I still consider my favorite band. [Thank you, Eliot, Bryan, Tony & Shaun plus CP and Marcus] And a check on my bucket list.


Life can be any emotion, any feeling at any time. You can go from being completely depressed to the opposite extreme in a matter of a day. Or vise versa. I have experienced what seems to be every combination, but in the end who says true emotions aren't real. Life is what you make of it. So, make the best of it, you only have one life to live. And make a bucket list and continue on the journey.

In the next month or so, I will be writing about my journey through the next item on my bucket list -- to have my very own art showing. It will be about my struggles, my accomplishments, my thoughts and my stories.

As I once said [regarding my bucket list] These ideas may be ridiculous and greedy or deep and compassionate, but they are who I am. I don't know when I will kick the bucket, but now is the time I need to slip on my shoes and get going on my way. With this, I invite you to come along to hear my stories, hold my hand, or even sit down for a laugh and an adult beverage.

I want to thank each and everyone of you for stopping by and continuing to be a support, a friend and a fan. It means a lot to me and I hope you continue. On rough days, you are the ones that keep me going -- Thank you.

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!



May every star you wish upon / And every hope you're hangin' on come true / Out of everybody in the world / There's no one who deserves it more than you / I hope you find / Everyhing you've been dreamin' of / Only good things -- Blessid Union of Souls