In the last month

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y

MARCH 21, 2010

 

It sure has been awhile since I have written an entry.   It was not because I was slacking or didn't want to -- it was because I had no energy.  I went full force at having this art show that it knocked the winds out of my sails.  I found myself doubting myself, second guessing what I was doing, and just flat out feeling overwhelmed.  

 

Many nights left me in tears or having an unnecessary argument with someone. I could tell you that was the last thing I wanted.  I just wanted everyone to be my friend, everyone to understand what I was going through and just to listen to me bitch [for lack of a better word] then tell me everything was going to be okay.  

 

I realized it was not healthy for me to be doing this, and before I knew it I was sitting at church at 8am listening to a priest talk.  It was just what I needed to keep me motivated.  As all of this was going on, there was nothing but sunshine.  The perfect sign of what I needed.  It brought me a smile and a little bit of hope.

Before I knew it, it was Thursday night and I was three hours behind schedule.  And of course everyone knows that brings frustration, tears, and thoughts of second guessing,  not something I wanted to happen the night before my show.  After a long night of hanging my photos, I still wasn't ready.  Friday was there before I knew it.  I wasn't nervous, I was more overwhelmed.  I thought what the hell am I doing.  

 

And before I knew it, it was all over.  The opening went perfectly. My brother kicked my night off perfectly.  He sent me a red rose with a note that made me cry. My mom dealt with me yelling and many friends listened to me panic right until the start of opening.  

 

I would like to think that I had the best opening there with the biggest crowd.  I don't know how many people where there, but it was fantastic.  I sure felt love that night.  I sold eight photos from about seventeen of them.  I consider that a success.  I have yet to hear something negative about show.  And I applaud myself for that.  

I know I couldn't of done it without certain people, and they know who they are, but I stand proud of what I did, who I am and what I continue to be.  

 

As I write this, I am filled with emotion.  I have come a long way. I have grown and blossomed into something beautiful.  I learned a lot in the last month.  I finally listened, finally saw, and finally believed -- I can smile, pat myself on the back and realize that I can do anything that I put my heart into. 

 

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If you know me, I might of told you about the one bird and the symbolism behind it.  [If you haven't heard it --  just ask me] I believe the symbolism was spread into many different things right before my opening.  

 

I let my dogs out two days prior to my show and looked and saw a red bird sitting there.  How cool, I thought. Just a simple way of him saying you can do it.  It was something that kept me smiling throughout the day.  

 

The next day I was driving with my sunroof open and I just happened to look up and there was a red airplane flying above me [He once had his pilot license].  This made me smile even bigger, he really is cheering me on -- he usually did when I had something big coming up. 

And on the day of my show, I got a single red rose from my brother.  I know it was my from my brother, but he always gave my mom red roses on special occasions.  I feel that it was part him too along with my brother.  

Signs may freak you out or simply may amaze you.  The amaze me.  It always brings things into perspective to me. They always happen when I seem to need them.  

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A lot has gone down in the last month and I hope I can keep updating this on a regular basis.  So, please stick with me.  These times have been trying, emotional, overwhelming, and successful, but it is hard for me to get situated to settle down to write.  I will do my best to keep you updated.  

Thank you for your support, your love, your warmth, and your hospitality.  Without you guys, I wouldn't of made it through.  Remember to make things beautiful -- go say hello to a stranger, hold the door for an elder, or put a quarter in an expired parking meter.  Also, know someone has a worse story to tell than you do. 

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Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!

Lesley

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"Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end" --anon.