Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Two Frozen Mochas, please

P H O T O  O F  T H E  D A Y
SEPTEMBER 14, 2010


I could buy a one way ticket and get the hell out here -- stop at every place I ever wanted to visit and pretend I am someone I am not.  Guess what?  I am not going to do that.  I have a point to prove.  I need to prove every hater, every doubter, every believer and every supporter I can do what I dreamed to do.  

You can call me every name in the book.  I know..

 I am selfish and greedy. I am a b!tch and every other name in the book.  I also, am the person who cares and loves, and forgives.  I am a dreamer and a doubter. I am happy-go-lucky and depressed.  I am funny and serious.  I am overrated and underrated.  I am a walking contradiction, but who says you aren't either.  Who says you are the one to judge? Or I am to judge you? 

---

Today, I woke up with tears in my eyes after multiple bad dreams full of hatred and anger and an overwhelming feeling of insecurities and homesickness. It took me about an hour or so plus a pep talk from my dearest friend to get me out of bed.  With all my might, I faced the day.  I made it a me day.  I am sure clients didn't approve, but who says I don't deserve it --just like you deserve one. 

After a lunch and coffee with mum, movies and a snuggle on the couch were in order.  After several hours of being lazy, it was time to find a new getaway park.  

Sorry, Memorial Park, I needed a change of scenery.  

I entered my new getaway.  Welcome to Silver Creek Park!  How amazing it was.  Temperature was 73 degrees, light breeze, sun getting ready to set, people all over in conversation, camera in hand, and waves littered the water.  PERFECT! 

As, I walked around the water taking pictures and trying to make people not feel awkward I got lost in the music that filled my eardrums.  Nothing hit me harder than when Everything by Winslow came on my ipod!  My day had become full circle.  It became a moment where I could live forever.  Every feeling of negativity went out the window.  It was magical -- a fairy tale ending. 

I guess taking the personal day was the perfect thing to do.  Got my quality time in with mum, and a talk with a dear friend, got my frozen mocha, snuggle time and a walk in the park.  Enough to put me to sleep with a smile on my face. 

I thank God for the moments like these.  Maybe you should too.  Try to experience the feeling I did today.  

Tune out the world and tune into what you really need.  You never know how much your heart craves to feel love from within.  

---

Learn to love yourself.  When you least expect it you will hit rock bottom and wonder who loves you and if you don't love yourself, who will.  It is a lesson I learned today.  I woke up hating and doubting myself, but by nightfall I learned I need to love, so I can feel love.  Take a minute to love somebody.  Hate is so easy, but maybe, so is love.  Try it. 

---

Remember, I can make ugly, pretty!
Lesley



Oh and when I'm gone, I hope you mention my name,
I hope you care about the man,
After you Place the Blame,
Let our years turn to gold,
And never wither away and be forgotten,
I don't wanna be forgotten 

Leaving an Angel by Corey Smith


4 comments:

Beatrice and Nadia said...

I've had days just like yours, but instead of taking time out for myself and learning to love, I just force myself through the day and fall into bed exhausted at night. Next time, I'll need to take a good look the way you did. What you experienced was really inspiring, hang in there and keep loving!

Beatrice

lesley.anne.k said...

Hey Beatrice!
Thanks for reading. I have also, forced myself to work and make it through the day and it made me even more hateful and super exhausted. when I can feel something such horribleness coming on I try to escape it, which usually I don't but I figured it was a good day to get away. You need time for yourself is what I learned and I don't do enough things for me. :) A Me day always equals refreshed the next day. You hang in there as well!

Lesley

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